Spur of the Moment Suicide Poem

Waking up that morning was supposed to be normal

I wasn’t expecting the conversation to be so formal

Your brother is dead, he shot himself last night

What? Are you kidding me? I asked as I squinted in the light

I sat in silence for I don’t know how long

Was this just a dream? Did I hear them wrong?

The next few hours were just a blur

Until I saw my brother’s son looking so sweet and pure

He was only three and didn’t have a clue

But I lost it when I saw him right out of the blue.

I couldn’t stop crying, I was falling apart

I didn’t say a word; I didn’t know where to start

My brain went numb and I just went through the motion

I had a baby to protect from the commotion

She would never get to know her uncle Brian

But maybe it will save her a lot of cryin

He was such a good person that took a wrong road

I wish I could have helped to lighten his load.

Suicide leaves family with a lot of guilt and sadness

It takes forever to get through the madness.

I have two more brothers that are still alive

I pray for them so they can thrive

My heart goes out to my mother

She lost her son, a pain like no other.

Time will heal all wounds they say

It has been twenty-one years and it still feels like yesterday

All of the feelings are not front and center driving me mad

But they are always there and they always make me sad.

I remember the good things about him and how he made me laugh a lot

When I am sad I look back at those happy memories and they really hit the spot.

So during the day when you’re feeling down

Think of the best times with your loved one and laugh like a clown!

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Letter from my Hubby to the Local Newspaper…

My wife, Angela, is an amazing person. She has overcome so much adversity in her life. She was sexually abused as a child. She started dating me at the age of fourteen, got pregnant and had our first child at seventeen. We got married and then three weeks later her brother committed suicide.

That is just the beginning. Our second child was born before she even turned twenty one. He had to have surgery at the age of one to have tubes put in his ears. By the time he was eighteen months he had an accident at daycare and broke his jaw. He needed reconstructive surgery on his face. A year later, our first born became very ill. She was diagnosed with a life threatening disease that landed her in hospitals around New England constantly.

This is still the beginning. My wife was the glue holding this family together. She took on the privilege of raising her niece when she was just ten years old. Then she started taking her nephew every other weekend from the time he was six months old. He is now over thirteen years old.

Often times our two children would get sick at the same time. A few of those times both children were hospitalized at the same times and sometimes, in separate hospitals. Angela was and still is a trooper through it all. She has the amazing ability to keep a positive attitude and still make everyone around her smile, no matter how tough life gets.

Years of this in and out of the hospital lifestyle, missing time from work and falling behind on bills consistently, yet still nothing was going to bring her down. And then I had an accident of my own. I jumped to catch a football that my son was throwing me one day when I got home from work, and when I landed, I wasn’t able to move. After an ambulance ride and a hospital stay, it was discovered that I have a rare muscle disorder and am permanently disabled. It took three years of no income at all before I was approved for financial help.

So along with her needing to take care of our special needs daughter, our son, our niece and nephew, she was burdened with having to help me as well. Of course she will never consider it a burden, but it has to be.

She had to work two jobs to keep up with the bills and relied heavily on her family for financial help. As our children were growing it seemed the load was getting lighter…a little. But then our son got a major concussion, then another and another. He ended up being diagnosed with seven or eight of them in the last two years of high school.

He missed most of his last two years but with online help and the teachers at the school being absolutely amazing, he was still on track for graduating. He suddenly became very ill, unrelated to the concussions. And then our daughter was ill once again. Both kids were scheduled for surgery in different hospitals in the same week.

Angela started missing more and more work to help care for the children. The past fifteen years or so was catching up to her. She lay in bed one day and couldn’t get up. She missed a lot of work and then her doctor put her out for the foreseeable future. She was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, stress and chronic fatigue.

She kept trying to get back to work but then she would fall three steps back. There was nothing I could do to help her. There was nothing anyone could do. The State of Maine held her job for one year and then had to fill her position. They really did more than they had to and she holds no grudges. She never does.

We lost our home to foreclosure. We lost our car and couldn’t afford to replace it. We own a truck that has been paid for but we can’t afford the upkeep or gas. But does this stop my wife? No way. Once she was feeling better, she started looking for a job. Nothing was falling into her lap, so she started volunteering at our local hospital and now she has started facilitating support groups. She also created an online blog and Facebook page to do scheduling of the groups and to offer support in whatever way she can.

Her newest adventure has been doing public speaking. She tells her story to anyone that wants to hear it. This is her calling. By telling her story and helping others that have been through any of the things that she has makes her the happiest. She is so kind and compassionate that people just fall in love with her immediately.

She is still actively seeking employment, but she is so scared of leaving me at home alone on a full-time basis that she is hoping that offering her public speaking will be enough to sustain us financially. Yes, she wants to earn money, but she thrives on helping others get through the toughest of times.

 

Community Impact

No matter whom Angela shares her story with; she is helping someone in the community to know they are not alone. Her experiences throughout life affect people in such an inspirational way. The public speaking aside, her starting up local support groups for suicide survivors and sexual abuse victims has had a huge impact. They know that they are not alone.

She also helps teach self-esteem building which in turn helps children and adults become more compassionate which leads to less bullying and less bullying leads to less angry and hurt kids out there contemplating a school shooting or suicide.

There is no way to know an exact number of people she has helped with her words, she touches people’s hearts every single day as she walks through life with her head held high.

Schedule an Appointment

Here is the link to my scheduling landing page: http://frapsfamilyrelationshipsandpersonalsituations.fullslate.com  or you can go to my Facebook page and just click on the schedule button. I tried to make this as easy as possible for everyone.

I need to send out a BIG THANK YOU to my local FRaPS team for letting me make my schedule so flexible for our online clients. They are really picking up the slack here in the office.

FRaPS Scheduling and Happy Valentine’s Day…

I am happy to announce that I have a schedule set up for all of you to check out. It is self scheduling so you can pick the times and locations that you would like.

I have two support group listings set up for now. One for suicide survivors and one for sexual abuse victims. There will be more to come as there is need. Also I would like to add that the two we have set up so far are on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, every other week. If there are different days or times that work better for you, just let me know and I will see what I can do.

Here is the link to my scheduling landing page: http://frapsfamilyrelationshipsandpersonalsituations.fullslate.com  or you can go to my Facebook page and just click on the schedule button. I tried to make this as easy as possible for everyone.

I need to send out a BIG THANK YOU to my local FRaPS team for letting me make my schedule so flexible for our online clients. They are really picking up the slack here in the office.

Last, I want to wish all of you a very Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Support Group Poll Topics

I am throwing you all a poll to see which topics will be the most popular to start with. Then we will determine how often we will all want to "meet". Please take a moment to fill out the poll and also share it with anyone that you think may be interested.

If you do not see a topic listed, please feel free to write one in, along with any other info that you would like me to have. Thank you.

Support Group Topic Poll

Why Some People are Bullies…

This is the big question, isn’t it? Why do they bully? Why am I the target? Why couldn’t their parents put an end to it before they turned so BAD? So many questions, and unfortunately there isn’t enough answers available to go around.

Is bullying something you are born with? NO.

Could a person stop bullying? YES

Can a person that is being bullied, some day turn into a bully themselves? YES

Bullying is a LEARNED behavior. It is not a disease. And it does not only apply to children. Grown adults can be bullies and be bullied as well. Is there anything that we can do about it as parents or as a community? ABSOLUTELY!

I feel very strongly about this. There is help out there and it isn’t in a pill form. I will say this one more time, bullying is not a disease, it is a learned behavior.

I wish that I could claim to cure bullying in the world and all will be well, but that is not even practical. But if I can help one person that is a bully or is being bullied, then at least I will feel like I have done something.

People die from being bullied. Bullying in one form or another is one of the leading causes of suicide. Did you know that?

Can I cure bullying? NO

Can I set someone in the right direction and help them along their way? YES

I can’t cure anything on my own. It takes work from both sides, but I can be here to guide you. I want to help. I think I was put on this earth to do just that. Nothing makes me happier than helping someone either by just listening or sharing my own experiences or whatever else that particular individual may need or want.

Support Groups…

Hey Everyone, I just wanted to fill you all in on where my mind is at today. I am setting up “conference call” support groups!! This is very exciting for me to be able to do.

In person support groups are always amazing, and forum groups are great too. But to be able to call in with a group, be able to hear everyone talk, and you could actually see everyone too if they have web cams, without leaving the comfort of your home.

I do not have all of the details worked out yet, but I will be keeping you updated along the way. With your help, I will work on getting the support group for the topic of your choice up first. So once you look through some of our most common topics, be sure to let me know which one you would be most interested in. Suicide, teenagers, disabled spouses or disabled children for examples.

Maybe I will try to set up a poll if I can figure out how. he he But for now, just please leave me comments on what you would be most interested in. Then, the next step will be to figure out the best time frame that will work for everyone and how often. I am running a crazy schedule right now, but hopefully I will have it a little more smooth by the time we are ready to go on air!!

Thank you and I look forward to your input!!